Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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