That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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