i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
