you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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