I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Pooping to opera.
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