I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i barfeds in our rink
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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