STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
