Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize