U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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