Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize