I think my vagina is haunted
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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