Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
