The maid of honor just puked.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
