It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think my vagina is haunted
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
