She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
