Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize