It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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