I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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