There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you never un-have a 4some
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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