ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
