GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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