Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
