My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
