I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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