i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize