she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
