just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
