a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
