Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
