sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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