People in love make me want to vomit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
