if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
