i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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