She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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