So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
