I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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