My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
