What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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