Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
