i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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