It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
