you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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