I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
