And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
