Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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