got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
