you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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