i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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