We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
