i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
