No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
there is glitter all over my balls
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