Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
