hell yes lets make some ravioli
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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