I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
