They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
