I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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