Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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