I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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