Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
