It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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