i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize