I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
