You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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