Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
