I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
