well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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