ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
