this just has baby written all over it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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