i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
