Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
