so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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