dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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