Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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