They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
