All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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