I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize