Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
