he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize