so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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