thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
