My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
