I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
