That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
