soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize