Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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