sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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