it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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