I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize