God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
