About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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