Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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