is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
