I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
