Can i not drive my cunt home
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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