Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
