Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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