I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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