I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
