Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
