you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
