i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
