Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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