I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
