I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
