In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i now understand why vodka
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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