youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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