margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My liver just broke up with me...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
